Getting Past No
William Ury · 1991
Editorial rating
- Evidence
- 6/10
- Actionability
- 8/10
- Originality
- 6/10
The thesis
When the other side stonewalls, attacks, or plays dirty tricks, reactive responses (striking back, giving in, walking away) make things worse. The breakthrough strategy is counterintuitive: step to their side before pushing for your interests.
Who this is for
Managers negotiating with difficult colleagues, sales professionals facing hostile procurement teams, and anyone who has walked away from negotiations in frustration only to regret it later.
My favorite quote
The essence of the breakthrough strategy is indirect action. It requires you to do the opposite of what you naturally feel like doing in difficult situations.
Why it matters
Your instincts in conflict - to fight, flee, or freeze - are exactly wrong for productive negotiation.
Do this
In your next tense conversation, resist the urge to respond immediately. Mentally picture yourself stepping onto a balcony above the action.
Start here
Go to the Balcony: When you feel yourself reacting emotionally, mentally step back. Imagine you're watching the negotiation from a balcony above. This pause prevents you from doing something you'll regret and gives you time to think strategically rather than reactively.
Critical summary
William Ury, co-author of the landmark Getting to Yes, wrote this follow-up to address the most common criticism of principled negotiation: "What if the other side won't cooperate?" Getting Past No provides a five-step framework for dealing with difficult opponents who stonewall, attack, or manipulate.
The system is built on a key insight: obstacles to agreement typically come from five sources - your own reaction, their emotions, their position, their dissatisfaction, and their perceived power. Each step of the "breakthrough strategy" addresses one obstacle.
What it gets right
- The "Go to the Balcony" metaphor is immediately practical and memorable
- Emphasis on controlling yourself before trying to control the situation
- "Build them a golden bridge" addresses the crucial face-saving problem most negotiators ignore
- Integrates well with Getting to Yes framework
What it misses
- Significant overlap with Getting to Yes - readers familiar with that book may find redundancy
- Some Cold War examples feel dated
- The five-step framework can feel mechanical in fast-moving negotiations
- Limited guidance for cultural contexts where indirectness is expected
Evidence is primarily case-study based - examples from diplomacy, hostage negotiation, and business. The framework is widely taught and applied but lacks controlled studies measuring effectiveness.
Key concepts
Go to the Balcony
Mentally remove yourself from the emotional fray. Observe before reacting.
Step to Their Side
Acknowledge their feelings and perspective before pushing your own. Saying "Yes, and..." instead of "But..."
Reframe
Don't reject their position - redirect it. Ask "Why?" and "Why not?" to move from positions to interests.
Build a Golden Bridge
Make it easy for them to say yes. Remove obstacles, address unmet interests, help them save face.
Use Power to Educate
If they still won't agree, make them understand the consequences - not as a threat, but as reality.
BATNA
Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. Know yours; work to understand theirs.
Core insights
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Don't react - respond
Reactions are reflexive. Responses are strategic. The pause between stimulus and response is where negotiation skill lives.
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Sitting side by side beats face to face
Physical positioning affects psychology. Move from confrontational to collaborative positions.
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Act confused when they contradict themselves
"I'm sorry, I don't understand - could you explain how this relates to what you said earlier?" Gentle exposure is more effective than direct confrontation.
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Let silence work
After asking a question, wait. Resist filling the space. They'll often reveal more than they intended.
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Bring them to the table, not to their knees
The goal isn't winning at their expense - it's turning an adversary into a partner.
Implementation steps
Today
- Before any difficult conversation, take five seconds to "go to the balcony"
- Write down your BATNA for an ongoing negotiation
This week
- In one conversation, replace "but" with "yes, and..."
- Use "Help me understand..." instead of "You're wrong about..."
This month
- Before a difficult negotiation, prepare a "golden bridge" - what face-saving way can they agree?
- Practice active listening: paraphrase what they said before responding with your view
Ongoing
- When feeling attacked, ask yourself: "What's driving this behavior?" before responding
- Maintain emotional control by regularly "going to the balcony"
Suggested 30-day practice plan
An editorial application plan created by Monolithic Vault - an interpretation of the book's ideas, not part of the original book.
- Day 1
Identify a difficult negotiation you're facing. Define your BATNA.
- Day 2
List the other party's likely concerns, fears, and unmet interests
- Day 3
Practice "going to the balcony" in a low-stakes disagreement - pause before responding
- Day 7
Use "Yes, and..." three times in conversations today
- Day 14
In a negotiation, explicitly acknowledge their concerns before stating yours
- Day 21
Ask a genuinely curious question instead of making a counter-argument
- Day 30
After a difficult conversation, debrief: Where did you react? Where did you respond?
Free PDF summary
Take this analysis with you: a designed two-page field-notes sheet with the thesis, my favorite quote, the key concepts and core insights, and the full 30-day checklist. Print it or keep it - free, no signup.
Go deeper
If this analysis earned your attention, the full book goes further than any summary can. The original is always the primary source.
