Communication

Respect is like air. As long as it's present, nobody thinks about it. But if you take it away, it's all that people can think about.

A well-known principle of human behavior says that when we ask someone to do us a favor we will be more successful if we provide a reason. People simply like to have reasons for what they do.

The single most important thing [you can do] is to shift [your] internal stance from 'I understand' to 'Help me understand.'

He who has learned to disagree without being disagreeable has discovered the most valuable secret of negotiation.

By disentangling the people from the problem, you can be 'soft on the people' and 'hard on the problem.'

The story should ultimately be about your audience, not about you.

We swim in an ocean of feedback. Getting better at receiving it is perhaps the single most powerful move we can make toward learning and growth.

Questions persuade more powerfully than any other form of verbal behavior.

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

Challengers aren’t so much world-class investigators as they are world-class teachers.

The scariest moment is always just before you start.

The quality of your life depends quite a bit on the quality of attention you project out onto the world.

The right word isn't just a better word, it's a completely different outcome.

The mind automatically sorts information into distinctive pyramidal groupings in order to comprehend it.

Morality binds and blinds.

The best persuaders become the best through pre-suasion - the process of arranging for recipients to be receptive to a message before they encounter it.

Your story must reflect change over time. You must begin as one version of yourself and end as a different version of yourself. Otherwise, you have no story.

People are not persuaded by logical arguments, they are persuaded by emotional connections. Make them feel heard and valued, and they will give you almost anything.

Charisma is the result of specific nonverbal behaviors, not an inherent or magical personal quality.

Word of mouth is the primary factor behind 20 to 50 percent of all purchasing decisions.

You might be the most competent, warmest person in the world, but if you don't show it, people won't believe you.

At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.

The essence of the breakthrough strategy is indirect action. It requires you to do the opposite of what you naturally feel like doing in difficult situations.

The goal of a conversation is not to convince you that you're wrong and I'm right. It's to understand each other.

The trick of earning trust is to avoid all tricks.

If you are not sure whether someone is interested or not, the answer is probably not.

If you confuse, you lose.

At the heart of most chronic problems lies a crucial accountability conversation that has either never been held or has been held badly.

When you are reacting to the other person, that person owns the frame. When the other person is reacting to what you do and say, you own the frame.

The audience does not need to tune themselves to you - you need to tune your message to them. Skilled presenting requires you to understand their hearts and minds and create a message to resonate with what's already there.

We live in fear of saying too much... but what if we've been worrying about the wrong thing?

Wanting a result is different from feeling dependent on it. If the deal does not move in a productive direction, simply walk away.

Ideas are the currency of the twenty-first century. The ability to persuade, to change hearts and minds, is perhaps the single greatest skill that will give you a competitive edge.

Respect goes both ways. You have to give it to receive it.

The currency of real networking is not greed but generosity.

Listening is not about what you hear, but what you understand.

Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement.

If you aren't clear about what you want them to know, there is no hope the message will get through.

We must be willing to pay the price of admission to intimacy, which is the willingness to listen to one another.

Anyone can become angry - that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way - this is not easy.